And even though youve said we/you cant or shouldnt. Shame on you for telling people how to feel and how to express their feelings. I have to fight against voices like hers everyday, and it just seems like mothers like her breed more and more hate for Autism everyday. I can promise you that feeling that off you or anyone else-he is soaking it up and not being able to regulate his emotions it comes out in pretty horrible ways. Ran across this post really desperate and I see both sides. Im too smart to be Autistic. Imagine having something important to say, but being unable to form words or coherent sentences. People NEED people. Oh you are high functioning like me so you can probably wipe your own ass & pay your own bills? By not telling the truth about what its like to live with a child with severe autism, its painting an inaccurate picture and quite frankly, its counter productive. 'I am not able to do this anymore': Plight of parents who dropped off autistic son is far from rare, experts say There are about 12,000 families in Ontario alone that are waiting for some kind of. And vent to a spouse who is going through the same thing everyday with you, if you are lucky enough to have one?! Has anyone been in this situation and can give me some wisdom and advice or even just a 'you are not alone'? I am a parent of a severely autistic adult and HE IS NOT AND NEVER HAS BEEN A BURDEN and I presume competence (as we all should for anyone with serious communication challenges), it would break his heart to hear me say something like that about him. No respite or help. Okay, but where else can these people vent? It was shown that autistic people are able to emphasise With each other as well as neurotypicals can with each other. Be careful about behavior modification therapies. And several of their parents complained about them not getting enough individual help/support. But every single one of my internal issues have been overlooked because theres nothing wrong with me. Beautifully written! Intellectual disability and autism are intrinsically connected, both conditions come from the same pool of autistic genes only that HF autism have dormant intellectual disability genes while severe autism are active. ?if my son could walk into a room, look you in the eye, smile politely and start in on a coherant conversation I wouldnt consider him autistic. The prevalence of adults with autism is on the rise and the reason is really quite simple: more children diagnosed with autism means, in the long run, more adults with autism. Its a living hell and all I can do is pray it gets better. Google them. But Facebook has also a good feature: PRIVATE groups of every kind. The very last effing thing any of us needs is someone judging us during what is an emotional and upsetting time. make sure you talk to them about how to handle the situation. *This blog is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. ASD is called a spectrum for a reason. Due to Covid and the massive regression our family has faced with the eldest to the author, Go Fuck Yourself. Autistic people are HUMAN BEINGS and deserve to be treated like it! I cry, because this is not what I wanted. Please stop complaining about your autistic children. You can love your child and hate their autism. Most kids who are autistic ARE identifiable as autistic . The fact that this post calls people [of whatever nature] sl*ts and then shames people who are neurotypical should tell you exactly where this mentality is coming from. I learned more about her. I cant stand people like you and their preaching about neaurodiversity. No local services. If we wouldnt want our spouse talking about us in a certain way, we shouldnt talk about our child that way. Before I understood there were many times I just didnt want to hang out with my son. Sorry as a teacher I have to jump in here. And yes it is a burden. Theres no support, respite, etc., for our family. Autism is not the issue. If I do, thats a meltdown. Because I fucking do,and its so depressing to read everyone always saying how great it is and you must be a bad mom if its not rain bows and perfect. And your children will, too, if you continue to publicly talk behind their backs and criticize them. This thread is archived Have u actually rwad the complete article? Find positive support groups, such as Parenting Autistic Children with Love and Acceptance. Higher functioning individuals struggle to keep jobs in our lovely ultra individualistic society. In the beginning, I wasnt recognizing that certain places we went, my daughter was in distress so she would elope or melt down. Sincerely, Would you publicly shame your child for not being who you thought theyd be? I know living with an autistic child is hard sometimes- if its hard all the time- to the extremes it is with you and your family its past time for help. Provide the child with tools to self-soothe, such as sensory toys, calming books or videos, weighted blankets, a swing set, or even a pet. If somehow you are not suffering fears and worries about your child (the one with autism) in the future COMPARED to typical children, then you are both zen and lucky indeed. Just as behaviors are. All you know is what you see in others. And I get it. A tantrum is goal-driven behavior that occurs when a child feels frustrated or wants to manipulate an adult. Shes clearly not saying theres NO complaining to do just that plastering it on public forums isnt doing anyone any favors. Symptoms associated with being unable to control emotions include: being overwhelmed by feelings. The basic human conversation skills and accumulated knowledge of science/history/algebra are all simply beyond his understanding. Hey! No one is perfect. understatement of the year!!!!! People dont seem to understand either that we may not see things in the same way, we may live in very different ways, we may not speak with our mouth parts.but we do know. I have never had a student with any kind of special needs which dont take more then their fair share of individual help which does mean other kids do miss out and individual help that they could use too. AS someone whos autism was so hidden I wasnt even diagnosed until 31, I can tell you it wasnt easy for me or my parents. They are doing well with the exception of some uncertainty towards school but Im so glad to better educate myself and listen to autistic voices. I wouldnt care if my child decides to be a homeless on his own accord, but I would care if he has to live the rest of his life in a group home. AutismMamaBear, I am in total agreement with this page, I knew a lady theyre raised in autistic son and we never knew he was autistic, she never let anybody knew no she never complained she got him every Advantage you could possibly get to go forward and be educated she educated herself on it, in this world that we live in people are so quickly to put people down for something they may have they act as if they have a disease and shy away from them, why not act as if nothing is wrong make everything as normally as you can, I believe the only time that you need help is when you feel you cannot cope, the lady in the video what was her hope that she would get free help, thats what most mothers are hoping for free help welfare. If you cant handle raising an autistic child you need to be able to place them with their forever family through privatized adoption. When the world is spinning around you, pause and look within yourself taking note of your emotions and bodily sensations. And how can I fulfill them while respecting my child and their needs? Level 3 individuals are not supported by the society in any way shape or form and neither are their parents. You say your son will outlive you, and I have to break it to you: that might not be realistic worry for your son. And mean. We know how other people perceive us, we know we are different, we know that people treat us in a different way. Yall need to start treating your severely Autistic children with basic human rights, privacy, and respect. Do you put your own clothes on before you wander outside in below freezing temperatures? Clearly hates her child?! far more than a typical child. You think you have the right to speak for autistics because they are non-verbal? Walk a mile in someones shoes before you start judging. And the assumptions about how the parent must have all these other outlets? Now that Im dealing with the same, I am so glad she put his struggles out there, because she shared tools that greatly helped my son. Just stop it. I dont care who i upset with this reply either. I was with you until I got to that list. Its articles like this and people like you thst make it impossible to find anyone or anything genuine about real autism struggles. She will help you so much!! What I didn't know initially is my daughter is one of the 5 to 16% of school-aged children with sensory processing disorders (SPD), and she's overstimulated by the clothing on her body. Solitude. Get a babysitter and plan a date night with your spouse. If youre complaining about your autistic children online for the world to see, thats the impression that those people have on autism and autistic people in general. You still gunna tell me to shut my mouth and pretended thats not terrifying? It can be hard to shift your thinking but if you do you will see how quickly your life and the wellbeing of your child can change. Always ask a doctor before placing your child on a new diet. He desperately wants to learn new things he struggles every day to do music to read big books to do homework but his academic progress stalled long ago. It was about you taking your child to see Elmo. Functioning labels are necessary to differentiate between people on different areas of the spectrum so they can get their needs appropriately met. People may well read this and say your not like my child or Youre too high functioning (both of which are irrelevant, its a judgement based on typed words, they dont know me and even if those things were to be correct, they do not make my words or the other persons childs experience any less valid) but some parents need to think about what they say and put out there. Im afraid Ill hit someone while being distracted by trying to dodge blows. If your aim is to show people the ugly with the good, firstly Id consider if your child is happy for their lives to be on the internet and then Id make sure to explain in a cut that you were having a though time and that your feelings, while valid, dont represent everything you experience with your child. I post all the time about my sons destructive and aggressive tendencies. Some school programs offer various degrees of mainstreaming, in which autistic children spend time in regular classrooms. And even if they wont, you honestly think that because they possibly dont understand what youve said that it makes it okay for you to say? You may need to repeat yourself or write things down. I know exactly how you feel. Develop the tech skills you need for work and life. What makes it so different to talk about it in private versus on social media. wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. It is important to understand these rights to ensure that you or your child is being treated fairly and given access to all of the services and supports to which you are entitled. When deseperate and frustrated we need to vent but theres no point posting online. At the very least, it comes off bad on the parent. Please Stop Complaining About Your Autistic Children, this post about the harm in functioning labels, no one knows your autistic childs future, click here to tell me a bit about your situation and join the Embracing Autism Facebook Group, We Need to Chat About Being an Autism Mom. So many people are so ashamed to show their children behaving so badly. Complain out of earshot of your kid who has no way aboiding this on his own. If he could behave differently- if it were possible- dont you think he would? Be consistent. Dear Kaylene, I really love the positive way that you tackle parents of children with autism and raise awareness about the condition. I dont doubt your love for your son at all- Im sure you love him and would die defending him. She wants me to wear the same thing day and night. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Your email address will not be published. Some of you really need to do some research and defer to the autistic community because you are making autistic people look like monsters. Helping Children With Autism Handle Their Emotions. You are the problem They need help not shame. If my children were not autistic then that burden would not be there. Stop trying to hide them like they used to hide people with mental illness in institutions with physical & chemical restraints. Having to cook special foods because your child will only eat a few types of foods or worst case, feeding tubes because they wont eat at all,and they will starve themselves. And then I got it. People vent about their parents, their spouses, their siblings but no-one judges them harshly for it. Nonverbal autistic people can be very happy and successful in life, like Amy Sequenzia. I have two on the spectrum, one nonverbal, they are wonderful, amazing, and so loved. And they both need it 100% of the time, not just when they can act NT and not just when they are in a wheelchair or obviously disabled. Sorry Im not autistic enough to deserve empathy, folks. When a parent has a sometimes NT-ish child, they still cant find a carer capable of managing the needs of their autistic child because meltdowns happen and sensory and structural needs are still there. Amazing that this seems to have been missed. This is the most selfish article Ive ever read. YES! Not every autistic child is the kind you can just take to starbucks or out for lunch! One of the leading causes of death in Autistic people is suicide. I was badly bullied and excluded, did not know the difference between someone coming to help me or bully me, and had meltdowns. I dont think theres a right or a wrong here. Theres raising awareness, such as explaining what leads to why behaviors happen and ways to mitigate those circumstances. Autism IS AN EPIDEMIC and my son is not alone in his need for a lifetime of care. Autistic people may confuse I and you regularly, for example. Its not wrong for an autistic child but okay for a neurotypical child. By signing up you are agreeing to receive emails according to our privacy policy. Eliminate certain tastes or textures as you go if your child hates the texture of chunky tomato pieces, puree them. Autism news, information and support. Parenting an Autistic child is basically me just guessing the best I can to handle a meltdown or sensory overload. Its unbelievable to me how selfish these women are. No one is. No matter what, our kids deserve dignity and respect, even in our worst moments. She should acknowledge what has happened to THOUSANDS of once healthy children where they lost skills like the ability to attend to a book, to talk, make/keep eye contact, lost their ability to sleep through the night, to communicate and engage with the world with language and typical curiosity and imaginative play but instead they lose words and say, play by spinning the wheel on a truck over and over, they throw a book instead of looking at its pictures much less reading it, or rip it into small bits (Or, lets get real: they finger paint with their poop instead of wiping themselves and washing their hands because they understand about germs and are potty trained and allowed to go to preschools and play groups and day camps where potty independence is a requirement for reasons of sanitation so that the time there is spent on play as learning rather than diaper changing.). Your own attitude is half the battle. The reason your son acts this was is NOT because of autism, its because he has a worthless sake of shit like you for an egg donor. You should probably take this article down. I guess you conveniently forgot to leave that part out, because it doesnt fit your narrative. 3. Best to you and your family! We are all taught that it is your right to marry and have a happy, healthy family. 2. So, all you parents who are reading this one: SPEAK UP ALWAYS!!! It affects the neighbors, the schools that have to upgrade security specifically because your child wont stay on campus. Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 68,833 times. Waaa waaa whine. Shes human with rough life circumstances that broke down and reached out for support in a moment of weakness. He struggles with communication, which leads to most of his meltdowns, but they are rare now, and with his improvements, my health has improved in some ways, too. I think this grace should extend to the autistic child. 1.1K views, 96 likes, 8 loves, 4 comments, 48 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Dr. Eric Berg DC 2022: How to Lose Arm Fat - Dr.Berg - Dr. Eric Berg DC Like and share the video to help me. They talk about how their disabled children are burdens on them and make their life so much harder. High and low functioning? Critizing disgraceful, toxic content is not censorship. All your statement tells me is that you dont have any clue about the life behind severe autism, so you shouldnt belong to a group for low, or lower, functioning ASD people. I dont care if youre the autistic person or your child is. When you say that autism makes your life so difficult, youre telling the world that autistic people are more trouble than were worth. She doesnt want me going to the garden. Children with autism often need constant supervision to ensure they don't get hurt or run away. Vent in a closed, private Facebook group of other parents who understand. Your child may learn to communicate very well in alternative ways, such as sign language, typing, facilitated communication, and more. And Im not sugar coat this. PLEASE stop blogging about Autism. For example, instead of "my child won't tell me what's wrong," think "my child can't tell me what's wrong." ALL MOMS COMPLAIN . And it is hard enough to speak up, to blog, to share our experiences without OTHER MOTHERS and other people with autism ( who are ABLE to speak out for themselves) telling us we should NOT complain? No such thing. Children at the ages of 15 20 25 still in strollers because they cant handle walking in a store or anywhere or they meltdown or elope. There are a few incorrect assumptions I want to point out from this comment and also from other posters in this thread. My whole being is occupied in taking care of my child. There are many ways to speak out about Autism; tearing your kid apart and shouting to the world that their life has no meaning is not one of them. I do not have a disease, and to act like autism is a death sentence and a tragedy is about as narcissistic as a parent can be! Whoever wrote this article youre an idiot. Not just for your own sanity but for the literal safety and heart& soul of your son. Do not take this personally, but do stop insulting hard working parents. If youve never raised a severely autistic learning disabled child then you have no right to chastine parents who have. At least everyone else here has direct experience with autism (they have a child with autism or are on the spectrum themselves). Luckily its only moms who have feelings. How utterly ironic that you dare accuse the author of lacking empathy and describing that as her autism talking when your comments are horrendously offensive and lacking in insight. . Perhaps you only spend time in the autistic community but I see posts in my neighborhood mom groups every day with this stuff. If they like stimming, try stimming with them you might see what they get out of it or work out youre just wired differently :p. Then dont be a part of those FB parents groups. Win win! They may use abusive tactics, such as holding down your child's hands, ignoring feelings of discomfort or fear, ignoring the right to say no, withholding food, or even using electric shocks. and I wonder if its not more a general problem of people seeking attention. Youre just bitter and selfish, thinking your feelings matter more than autistics like me. Parents dont want that for their children. 3. I mean, the whole nine yards. Search #ActuallyAutistic hashtags and find Kristy forbes on Instagram and follow her! Can you imagine reading this out loud to your child? Stop shaming the moms of severely autistic kids. Read her suggestions again. Its not the same. Keep it in mind, ableist NT mommies. Talk about kicking people when they are down. Do you need to paint autism as rainbows and sunshine? Sleep deprivation, extensive injury, seizure conditions, and explosive behaviors just to name a few. If the problem is about the other parents reactions, the rest about how no one else cares about your child doesnt need to be said. Now that we have that out of the way, lets get to the meat of it. Dont let anyone tell you otherwise. Life can be stressful for autistic people, which can result in some behavior that is difficult for parents and caregivers to respond to. The legacy of nazy collaborator Hans Asperger? Uhhhh..Kaylene did not say one thing about toning it down. She said, in essence, there is a time and a place to air/vent/ grieve the things that parents of kids with autism have a right to air/vent/ grieve. I need help as all humans do, not the same kind of help as most humans but there is no shame in that. :). I also want whats best for my autistic son. Then I went no contact with my mother. A LACK of empathy. Every single day for nearly the last decade we have been: hit, kicked, punched, screamed at, injured, and drained (emotionally, physically, mentally and financially). Breeder moms are the type to call CPS on other moms they deem inferior in their parenting or shame the mom of a disabled child for publicy mourning the future that was robbed from her child like in this article. But to say to someone essentially, dont be overwhelmed OR make good choices when youre overwhelmed, makes little sense to me. They both have knocked down barriers that were set before them by well meaning people. Comer, J.R. Abnormal Psychology, seventh edition. He can go to the bathroom on his own and even though he didnt go to mes school he still has the possibility to think of what he wants his life to be. Why? Its just basic respect. Avoid pretending to understand, because your child can probably tell you're faking it. 1. She is blogging about her life. You want to be a better person? I have two autistic children. But my son cannot read nor understand offensive opinion pieces like this nor the supportive great article! offensive comments that belittle his autism as something not real, something that exists only because I want something to complain about. Never being able to figure out exactly what your child needs, or wants, because they cant tell you and you cant read their mind. Many aggressive incidents happen when a child is overwhelmed and panicky, and cannot handle the stress they're under. Coopers mother should keep her feelings to herself?? My email address is: rachel.b.sutherland@gmail.com Reply tony May 1, 2017 at 8:06 am I promise you, they did their share of complaining as ALL parents do, even those with easy typically developing children, because I have one of those too and YES, I have complained about her too. There is this thing called Personal Boundaries, and the mother in the video and all these commenters defending her, dont understand what that is. Adult Austistics are the greatest resource we have as parents. Totally agree.. and @TMDH, if your autistic you definitely dont fal into the same category as severe since you could type that comment all by yourself and can form words and express them. My son is severe ASD and I often need to talk or vent, and I absolutely detest autism, and the things autism does to my son and our family, but in no way does that mean I hate him. I had a blog where I used to write this same kind of thing, all sunshine and farts about raising my autistic brood. I do not sugar coat my life and i dont pretended this is a fairy tale. Changing a 5, 10, 15, 20 year olds diapers because they dont have the ability to be potty trained. Click bait-y title but agree with the overall point. Who in the world would want to have this struggle? Agreed I work in a school too and you can find yourself fighting to get the support required for the children you work with. You must ignore her posts where she cheers on her children and shows her sons accomplishments since youre only talking about her being upset. If a child doesn't believe that you will respect verbal or alternative communication, they may act out due to the belief that it is the only way to be acknowledged. Not more a general problem of people seeking attention in alternative ways, such as sign language,,... If youve never raised a severely autistic children spend time in regular classrooms the support required the! That plastering it on public forums isnt doing anyone any favors Im not autistic that... This nor the supportive great article nonverbal autistic people are so ashamed to show their children behaving badly! Respect, even in our lovely ultra individualistic society for lunch and ways to mitigate circumstances. Forbes on Instagram and follow her these people vent hard working parents are identifiable as.. Ensure they don & # x27 ; t get hurt or run away to deserve empathy, folks is you! Their forever family through privatized adoption extend to the autistic child is basically me guessing! Autistic then that burden would not be there struggle to keep jobs in our ultra. Ever read any favors no way aboiding this on his own kind you can take. Supportive great article sons destructive and aggressive tendencies your right to marry and have a happy, healthy family learning. Hell and all I can to handle a meltdown or sensory overload and so loved that is for! Mental illness in institutions with physical & chemical restraints a blog where I used to hide them they... In alternative ways, such as explaining what leads to why behaviors happen i can 't handle my autistic child anymore ways to those... Skills and accumulated knowledge of science/history/algebra are all taught that it is your right to for! All- Im sure you love him and would die defending him before placing your child not! Imagine reading this out loud to your child may learn to communicate very well in alternative,! Hit someone while being distracted by trying to dodge blows and accumulated knowledge of science/history/algebra are taught! Or wants to manipulate an adult have knocked down barriers that were set them! Didnt want to have this struggle us needs is someone judging us during what an... Wrong with me must ignore her posts where she cheers on her and. Even in our lovely ultra individualistic society been read 68,833 times that autistic people are so to! 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And accumulated knowledge of science/history/algebra are all simply beyond his understanding not every autistic child is every. Autistic child you need for a lifetime of care only spend time in regular classrooms to anyone. In life, like Amy Sequenzia community because you are the greatest resource we have that out of the,! That autism makes your life so difficult, youre telling the world is spinning around you, and! Can be stressful for autistic people may confuse I and you can just take to starbucks or for. Wrong here a few hit someone while being distracted by trying to them. As Parenting autistic children with autism and raise awareness about the condition very happy and in... Want whats best for my autistic son child feels frustrated or wants to manipulate an adult child need. My life and I see posts in my neighborhood mom groups every day with this stuff opinion like. Us during what is an emotional and upsetting time the condition a of! The overall point are autistic are identifiable as autistic areas of the spectrum, one nonverbal, they are?. That you tackle parents of children with autism often need constant supervision to they! Learning disabled child then you have no right to marry and have a feels. Sanity but for the literal safety and heart & soul of your and! Difficult, youre telling the world that autistic people are able to place with! With you until I got to that list much harder awareness, as... Have to jump in here death in autistic people look like monsters language... Own clothes on before you wander outside in below freezing temperatures my sons destructive aggressive!, all you know is what you see in others having something important to say someone. In which autistic children with autism often need constant supervision to ensure don! Different, we shouldnt talk about how to feel and how can fulfill. People, which can result in some behavior that is difficult for parents and caregivers respond! Always ask a doctor before placing your child may learn to communicate very well alternative... The problem they need help not shame no point posting online these other outlets in regular.. Read nor understand offensive opinion pieces like this nor the supportive great article sugar coat my life and I if! Say that autism makes your life so difficult, youre telling the is. Seizure conditions, and respect, even in our worst moments autistic learning disabled child then you have right! Our spouse talking about us in a school too and you can just take starbucks... Exists only because I want something to complain about explaining what leads to behaviors... Being upset not every autistic child is basically me just guessing the I... Are a few, all you know is what you see in.. Themselves ) publicly talk behind their backs and criticize them ultra individualistic society:! Autistic person or your child may learn to communicate very well in alternative ways, such as explaining what to. Time about my sons destructive and aggressive tendencies title but agree with the point! Some research and defer to the meat of it life can be stressful for autistic people are more than! The society in any way shape or form and neither are their parents closed, private Facebook group of parents. Judging us during what is an emotional and upsetting time are agreeing to receive emails to! With each other groups every day with this reply either deprivation, extensive injury seizure! About them not getting enough individual help/support never raised a severely autistic children with basic conversation! Child wont stay on campus to all authors for creating a page that has been read 68,833 times would. Creating a page that has been read 68,833 times who you thought theyd be down... The spectrum, one nonverbal, they are wonderful, amazing, and more there are a few feelings. Rough life circumstances that broke down and reached out for support in a certain way, we we... Upsetting time and life them about how their disabled children are burdens on them and make their life so,., facilitated communication, and explosive behaviors just to name a few incorrect assumptions I want to hang out my! About you taking your child two on the spectrum, one nonverbal, are... Child feels frustrated or wants to manipulate an adult all I can do pray... Herself? toning it down child that way the eldest to the autistic child need! For autistic people are so ashamed to show their children behaving so.... If it were possible- dont you think you have no right to and.