I looked after him for 7 months like a single mum as we lived alone. It kills me and its making me resent her so much. Ive spent a fortune on psychotherapy and self- help groups, and I still suffer. But if grandma or grandpa or daddy was her he would def go with one of them instead of me! At 12 mos the situation was improved. But unless one is emotionally stable, it can be almost impossible. Best of luck. In the final weeks of your maternity leave, try to find some time to get out on your own for a few hours. Then she goes back to not wanting me at all the next day. You are likely to mean total security for your daughter and maybe she just knows that you are there for her, so that she doesnt really need to be with you when exciting (in her mind) dad is there. It does feel like all I am used for is food and diaper change. Of these numbers, working moms are taking the brunt of the burden. And you seem to interpret your daughters behavior as if she is blaming you. Sorry & also o forgot to put in that script is that everything we buy our son they have to go & buy the better 1. for Christmas this year we have got him an elmo live which is a interactive toy so they said or well we will get him the big foot live then but why does he need 2 interactive toys it just seems like competition 2. Im very concerned about you. I work five days a week and he is looked after by my mother in law during the day. Someone said to no rely on your child to feel loved and valuable, thats easier said than done. I cry about this on my own because I used to be the one who could only make her laugh or in a good mood. It hurts me so much inside and i dont know what to do. for a couple of hours, she just hugged me while eyeing him and after accepting the fact that daddy was really there in person, she just went 2 daddy like he never left. My wife is set on the fact that she will not change her behavior towards his daily activities. For a few weeks before my mat leave ended, I let myself soak in all the pre-emptive nostalgia, mourning all of our "lasts": our last mat-leave breakfast, our last mat-leave walk, our last mat-leave . So even if the mom misbehaved badly in relation to your finace, it doenst mean at all that she did anything bad to the baby. But it is by no means too late. I guess what really hurts my feelings is that when she is home is her dad and then I come home, she could care less. Other babies become extremely attached to that person any time she or he is around. I feel very bad. So am just going to take every day as it comes I like the advice about spending quality time 5/10/15 min with my boy. Ive struggled with anxiety, depression, substance abuse, suicidality, anger and low self-esteem my entire life. It is quite common to hear new moms worrying about that the love at first sight that they expected when meeting their child for the first time didnt happen. And 4those who is far away, utilize whatever technology available 2 you 2 stay in touch to you little ones. This will not affect your long-term relationship in any way, as long as you can stay cool about it. Please dont give up. I know, because Im starting to have this horrible fog lifted, that it IS true that somewhere in my childs heart and soul he knew/knows the intensity of my love for him, and all those thankless moments, all those times of carrying out a mundane parenting task feeling heartbroken do not go unnoticed on some deep cosmic level. It's no secret that returning to work after the birth of your child can be overwhelming. I still want my mommy on bad days. Actually, I wouldnt be surprised if your mother is right. He was born September 2 of last year and I was lucky enough to be able to spend all this time with him. He doesnt kiss, hug or cuddle with me. We have tried EVERYTHING to get this baby to take a bottle. Anyway, I wish I could say something to ease the burden you are under, just know that a fellow mom out there is empathizing with you. Like he likes seeing us fight over him, gets an almost devious smile to see that hes hurt my feelings. She still prefers other people and doesnt seem to care for any of her own kin.not even her sister or brother, uncles, etc. I have only returned this week to work after 11 months off with my 11 month old baby girl. I can see other parents are having similar problems, so maybe it is something she will grow out of in time. If she can crawl, chasing each other might be fun. Just remember you are a good mother for having these feelings!! Even if i hold my hand out for her, she clings to my MIL and my husband. she seems like she is more confrted by grandma then me/momand it cant be because grandma is around her more because dad is around her less then i am and she does the same thing with dad as she does with grandma.she seems conferted by them and not me.so is it possible, she thinks grandma is mom??? You sound like you are in very bad emotional shape. Thanks. I was already reluctant to leave my son and I cried 30 minutes down the road and every night before I fell asleep missing him. No phone, no computer, no cleaning, cooking, working, or thinking about other things. which is why I do not understand why he seems to prefer my husband and MIL over me. So in short, my role is to lay down the law, but in return, he wants nothing to do with me day or night! Im assuming this is not the case with you, obviously. What more should I do, she doesnt even sleep in her cot cause I want her next to me during the night but still as soon as she wakes up and my mother comes in the room she wants to be with her! I am really shattered. I try to fix this by not responding to the kid and shouting at her and show her that I am bad. there babys there used to those that give them there needs and time and attention Im going on my 3rd baby and what i find affective is how the care provider response when you get there Im always excited and hug and kiss daddy when he is home and thats how my children respond they love daddy but when they want or need something its always mommy and believe me some time i want it to be daddy, MY YEAR OLD DAUGHTER PREFERS ANYONE BUT ME, EVEN THO I BREAST FEED, AND DO EVERYTHING FOR HER IN GENERAL, I TRY NO TO SPOIL HER BECAUSE SHE IS THE ONLY DAUGHTER, GRAND DAUGHTER, NICE AND SO ON I NEVER HAD A POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION SO IT CANT BE THATIM LAID OFF SO IM WITH HER 24/7 NO ONE HAS EVER BABY SET HER I DONT HAVE MY PARENTS NEAR OR ANY FAMILY, BUT MY HUSBAND FAMILY COME OVER AROUND TWICE A WEEK I ALWAYS WANTED HER TO BE OPEN WITH PEOPLE AND NOT TO BE SHY SO I THAGTH HER TO LOVE EVERY ONE ESPECIALLY HER GRANDMOTHER BUT NOW I THINK I DID MISTAKE WITH THAT BECAUSE IT SEEMS THAT SHE DOESNT LOVE ME ANY MORE :( IS DEPRESSING ME NOW PLEASE HELP ME..IAM OPEN TO ANY ADVICES THANK YOU. In conclusion, it is a painful when a baby rejects mom or dad. PLEASE someone help me, its really affecting me and making my day to day really depressing. I feel like she associates me with all things bad (i.e. And stop relying on your son showing his affection in any specific ways for you to feel loved and valuable. I try to comfort him even when hes inconsolable and even when he doesnt seem to want me. He is now a year old, but at around 9 months he did the same thing with me. i am so depressed most the time i am really starting to feel like he hates me. Its the opposite of what you think. If we know why this is happening maybe we can change it! I hear a lot of guilt in what you write. everyday i am in tears..cant work ..cant sleep..no peace. saying that she isnt good the way she is today. And I suspect it isnt helping your wife either. My son is 18 mos old. I always thought it was because I am a working mum but it seems that even stay home mums have this problem. I just left my 4-month-old son for the first time overnight with my parents. I feel rejected by my man, I have asked many times why? First thing to remember is to feed the baby. But she adores my husband (and he hardly spends any time with her at all). Im going to perservere and not let her see that she can control me in this way. I often wonder if day care would be a better option. Sometimes the distraction of being outside together will help so that she does not focus on dad being away. She is breastfed but dh has been been I was worried then that since she dealt with so many different nurses who were women, she wouldnt have a clue who I was. Place baby on mom's tummy, in the water. I even think sometimes grandma secretly enjoys doing this to me. And yes, I think that would be great for many reasons. i work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. He will go to my parents or my husband before he would come to me. Hi i have been a stay at home mom since my 3 year old was born, but now my 17 month old son seems to not want me or love me. She has now outgrown the reflux but has become a very fussy feeder.Her early months were very black for me, both myself and my husband would get very upset and frustrated when trying to feed her- me moreso I guess as I did it more. This is my second son who is 8months and I feel me and him bonded great till a month ago and my husbands work schedule changed he is home all day I cant even get a second without him around and when he leaves the room our son fusses and tries to getaway from me I took him in another room to get some time with him he jus screamed and finally ate and went to bed I am very scheduled till few weeks ago, my husband is very not. I think there are two things you should do. A 1 year old will not do anything very differently the next time anyway. But in about a week things changed, and he was starting to want me again. You are obviously there for your son. I sometimes wish that I could die and I admit that there are times when I have seen all my competitors as my enemies and I wanted to hurt my own child out of jealousy..But then I would never do that..My relationship with my husband and his family is degrading day by day..And I regret having married him at all even though he is the best husband and dad ever..I dont know what is happening to me!! The sooner you can move on, stop being angry and try to find ways to co-operate, the better life will be for all of you, and especially for the most important person the baby. :**(, Im pretty much going through what the girl with the 7 month old is going through and its my husbands mom too! Ive seen couples fist fighting, calling the police, threatening to take the children and you name it. Your daughter loves you pretty much more than anything in the world. The answer is yes, although breastfeeding after returning to work is definitely trickier in some situations. I have a step-son myself, and even though his mom is great, he absolutely did not want to talk to her on the phone when he was little. What am I doing wrong? Have someone other than mom do the feeding 2. I havent been away from her for a single day since shes been born, shes with me all the time, sleeps with me, from morning to night its only me loving and caring for her, with the exception of my mother who helps me for an hour or two at night to give me a break The thing is, Ive noticed NO bond from my daughter..not on my end, but on hers, I dont feel as though she knows who her mother is, and if i leave or stay I dont think it matters to her. It must be very confusing for her. because everytime she turns away from me or will not smile at me i feel like my heart just breaks tears often threaten to spill. When I am around, I try to maximize my time with all the children playing, reading, dropping off and picking up from school and even going out and it seems to work great for my older two. A two-year-old is demanding and it is his job to figure out what the world is like, which certainly includes a lot of testing and protesting. However, before it got better I came to a sort of terms with it more or less, though I had bouts of severe depression about it from time to time. Reading the entries and knowing that others are going through the same thing somehow makes me feel a little better. What he really needs might be to have more fun and more time with his dad. Then when my mother-in-law came to pick him up so I could go to work and I tried to give him a kiss he wouldnt let me and he hit me in the face and cried when I tried to give and hug and hold him he cried. I just want to know what is going on with my child and why she is acting out like this. I try to kiss her, hold her and tell her that I miss her and all she does is throw a tantrum and cry until her dad is holding her again. There isnt anything I wouldnt do for her. But I really found some comfort when I found this thread and read about other parents similar experiences. I am depressed. I work full time and travel quite a bit during the summer, up to a week at a time. I feel like why I didnt die when she was born. I am very responsive with both. Babies can feel our tension. Yet our daughter still wants nothing to do with her except when its meal time. you cant help it. She is now my daughters god mother and I consider her a dear friend. Its just so strange I dont know what to do!! Now my problem seems to be that she doesnt like me very much, I think myabe she remembers my tears and frustration with her and cant forgive me. I cant seem to find this answer. And if he doesnt want to be with you for 15 minutes, in the beginning, make it add up to 15 minutes even if it is only 2 minutes each time. I guess it is so devastating, her rejection of me because there is no one else in the world that I love more than her. She keeps telling me that shes a bad mother and that our daughter hates her. For a month, try to reduce the disciplining to a minimum (probably less than you think is necessary) and at the same time focus on having great fun with your son for at least 15 minutes per day. The other important thing is to protect your supply. Anybody who has been the same boat please help in trying to mend things and get my kid to like us both equally. I did not breastfeed her as a baby. Consider co-sleeping with her that way she will quickly learn how cozy it is to snuggle with you. She is the GRANDmother, not the mother. May I ask how your relationship is when dad is not around? In fact, when Im come home he goes from being a happy baby to a complete mess with temper tantrums and all. It also sounds as if you are not in a place where you feel supported or comforted in your experiences. She wont get proper help if its not face2face. I thoguht maybe I didnt give her enough love because I was so busy trying to get her into a routine. That leaves us with no choice but to move to India for my son to be with his father. A massage, a warm bath, movie night with your partner: a little downtime goes a long way. After all, during their first twelve months babies still physically need mother's milk. I am sure you mean really well, but in a way you are saying that you need behave badly for her to appear as a good mom, i.e. After reading these posts I made sure to remain absolutely calm and neutral and not get teary or upset when he preferred his daddy over me. And since you have been at home with him, youre not very exciting. Just ask her to really try not to show her emotions to your daughter, but rather focus on having a good time with her when you are not around that will certainly build on their relationship for the coming years. You sound beyond sad, really despairing. I feel your pain. But I dont get a look in. I have a 1yr-old son and he just started this him not wanting me always want the other family member that is around. I might as well try to change my perception of what is happening. It took effort from all of us to get to where we are now, but forgiving each other and moving on as responsible adults to give our boy a good life, is one of the best things Ive done in my life.). Hello- Im the mother who wrote when my son was 9 mos and again at 12 mos. Reading all the comments I dont need to help but what I did come to the conclusion is to learn to LOVE unconditionally. i feel sad and discouraged i know that i shouldnt show it to her.. but i often wonder where i went wrong. And hug your wife. I think this situation just happens with postpartum mothers and makes a lot of sense. I have never been an insecure person ever and for some reason I cant seem get this off my mind. Lots of quiet, cuddly games with your little one on your lap. Is that true? i want to know if this is normal or just a phrae shes going through. He hates being cuddled in my arms and the only time I manage to have him in my arms is when I am feeding him at night and ONLY because he is half asleep. It's never easy dealing with a toddler rejecting mom. A wonderful thing to do in periods like this, is to spend time alone with the child. Im often doing something else at the same time as interacting with them. Somewhere around this age, babies start realizing that they are a separate person from their mom. But the bond has never come (she is 5 now) I find it hard to love her, probs have more to do with me because I got pregnant again and sort of gave up on her im sorry to say, when my son was born he loved me the best and always wanted me, and she rejected me over and over. Continue to do things alone with your boy that is an excellent way to maintain a good relationship even when he has become an older kid, teenager and adult. The last thing I want is for her to get older and call me mom when she sees me (even in public areas were if Im with her and she calls me mom everyone will look at me funny!). Now, my son doesnt seem to even want me in the room with him any more. I am not saying that it is easy, but I am saying that it is definitely part of being a parent to be rejected now and then. I think there are several aspects to this. The short answer to that question is, thankfully, no. I feel as though he hates me. Awaken his interest by laying down on the floor and playing with his toys, start kicking a ball, or whatever will catch his interest. My Postpartum Depression Made Me Reject My Baby. That is actually a very sensitive age when separation and stranger anxiety set is. It breaks my heart that my daughter doesnt want anything to do with me. I was also baffled as to why my husband ,who sees him so much less and could go off for a week on business, would be preferred over me. I dont see this as an issue, but she is concerned that the kid does not like her anymore and could get worse by days. Am still have to learn to connect and bond and to feel when he is hungry or tiered or board. its a vicious cycle sometimes if i feel down, then shes rejecting me, then i feel even more worthless, then shes acting out even morei have to just stop and think about what im projecting. I cant imagine how hard it must be to have lived with this with your daughter for years. An infection or poor breastfeeding latch issue removed the ability to nurse for a short period of time. My MIL sees him once a week. There is simply no replacement for a mother, period. She doesnt want me at all, except whn she needed 2have milk. I have a 7 month daugher that doesnt seen to want me. You know, she is way too young to be that rancorous. If someone can take care of your older child now and then; have some fun together, just you and him. My relationship with my son isnt the same anymore. but, really, we'll be alright. My husbands dad invited us to go to Branson and get away before my Husband starts the engineering program at K-State. I am a social worker and therefore I know all about attachment patterns and I just cant work this one out. A really good book to start with is: The Connected Parent: Real-Life Strategies for Building Trust and Attachment. 1. It will all work out, whether you stew or ruminate about any of it.". Since leaving home 2 go 2 Asia when our baby was 7 months, our internet routine continued. Parental separation anxiety is normal, especially when going back to work after maternity leave. However the last few days as he has been spending more time with his dad he starts to moan when we are together and nothing is good enough and he cries really badly when he is hungry. Say he only listens to his dad and not me, not sure what to do , he is 7. But I only see her a few hours a day when I work (weekdays). He also loves his father and grandmother. Anyway, he will be one in a week or so and Im happy to say that things are back to normal and this seems like a distant memory. I breastfeed and she doesnt like when I look at her or she will fuss again. Do a couple of test runs before going back to work after baby. Your daughter is going through her first life crisis adapting to the new situation. Adjusting to this new life will take time and you can't expect to nail it right out of the gate. Above all, enjoy these last few weeks with your little one. I try to play with her and make her laugh all the time. Not to make light of this happening to the dads out there but I think that is more common than the moms as, for the most part, we are the primary caregivers. Ive taken better care of him then his real dad. It is probably more common for Mom to be prefered than Dad, but it happens both ways. Thankfully he still paid her Iphone, so while she decided to turn it on (of course she couldnt be without it) we were able to track her location and after a month and another court order we got her back with us 100% full custody. should i stop my caregiver from sleeping next to her to maybe stop them from being too close? Please, ask for help. She has always been a daddys girl and he is her main attachment figure despite not being her main carer. I can understand that your sons behavior is making you sad. It may not feel like it right this moment but things will get better. I am searching high and low for a place away from her. She wants Daddy all the time and will cry for him when he leaves the room even when I am in it. no more crying out 2 daddy when she has a tummy ache.and she hasbecome so excited whn i come home frm work.My husband and I lives in a different continent due to the nature of my work, and he wd come to stay wt us 2-3 times a year at around 5 weeks to 2 months a time.So whn he left for Asia when our baby is 2 months old, we established a routine using the internet via webcam and video calls every single day. Paula, I saw in other posts you said 8 and 9 months are very sensitive times Will you please explain what you mean? And do things together all of you. and at around 6 months plus, she suddenly change and became so fond of me. If she can sense a tension whenever she is happy to be with dad, it might rather push her away further from you. Goodness! I felt so upset, My 18 month baby boy really likes his dad than me. 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